Many years ago, before marriage and kids, I had this plan that when I had kids, I would reduce my work hours right down. I’d work no more than 20 hours a week and be an awesome mother and wife. I pictured working a few hours while the kids were at school, then the rest of the day would be spent ensuring the house was tidy and cooking amazing dinners ready for when my husband would get home from work. I imagined myself going to all the events at school, helping with the homework and doing all the after school activities with my kids. However, life doesn’t look exactly like that now. The biggest reason being that we need more income than I would earn if I dropped down to 20 hours.  So sometimes, the house is a mess at the end of the day, dinner has been a rushed job after school pick up and it has been cooked while I’m also trying to bath kids, prepare lunches for the next day and check that I haven’t missed any last emails for the day. I can say that I have helped with all the school events during Lincoln’s first year so nothing has stopped me there. But what does this have to do with the “Am I doing this right?” question. I am questioning whether I am working too much and whether I am spending enough time with the kids. Is this the right thing to do? There’s really no right answer. We just have to do what’s right and what works for us.

When it comes to material things. We have a lot of “stuff”. It’s not all high tech, expensive stuff. We have a lot of toys, board games, craft books, activity sets, puzzles, especially for Hope. I sometimes wonder whether we have too much and if we are spoiling our kids. But our kids don’t get a large amount of screen time. We encourage other activities instead which is where all those other “things” come in handy. Again, is this the right thing to do? Am I doing it right? I don’t know. I’m just doing what feels right for us.

Discipline is another thing that I find myself questioning. Again, there’s no simple answer to “Am I doing it right?”. When it comes to discipline, we all have our own styles. Some believe in soft parenting while others don’t. Some believe in time outs while other don’t. Some don’t like to say ‘no’ to their kids and believe they need to figure out for themselves what is right and wrong. With all the styles out there, it’s not surprising that I question whether I’m doing it right. Sometimes, no matter how much we ask, our kids do not do what we ask, and it gets frustrating to a point where I have found myself yelling at them or in tears because I just don’t know what to do. These are the toughest times. These are the times where the self doubt really kicks in, when I feel like I’m failing as a parent. Not only is my child being disobedient, I’m allowing it to affect me and they are seeing a response from me that I’m not always proud of. These are the big “Am I doing it right?” times.

So what do I do with my constant uncertainty, my self-doubt, my questioning of my choices. I look at what my kids have accomplished. I don’t look at the struggles. I look for the positives. Lincoln has just completed kindy. He has loved every minute of it. He’s done so well and received an excellence in learning certificate at the end of the year. He completed a term of summer soccer, and I made it to every game. He’s gone to multiple birthday parties over the year, made heaps of friends and is growing into a brilliant young man. I must be doing something right. Alexander surprises me with his intelligence every day. He has this incredibly creative mind and while he can be difficult at times, he can also be the sweetest young boy with a heart of gold. I must be doing something right. Hope looked at me as I walked in the door and called “mum” the other day, she runs over to give me a cuddle when I pick her up from daycare, she is constantly giggling and showing more and more personality. She also suprises me with just how much she is capable of. Again, I must be doing something right. So even with all the questions and all the uncertainty, my kids are great, so whatever I’m doing. I’ll keep on doing it. I’ll never stop questioning myself though, because I think that’s what makes us look for changes and improvements that are needed and will keep our kids on track.

So if you’re out there today, questioning yourself, perhaps feeling like a failure, and wondering whether you’re doing it right. You’re not alone! There are many others out there, just like you. If you ever feel overwhelmed, reach out. I’d love to walk with you in your parenting journey. I’m no parenting expert, but I’ve got ears to listen and a heart to care.