Dear Ben.

They. Are. OK.

They both are ok.

The feelings you are feeling are completely valid, you just got confirmation that your baby girl has been diagnosed with Down Syndrome, if you weren’t a mess then I would be worried.

When you need to don’t forget to go for a walk, take a breath and have a cry and thank god your daughter is strong enough for the fight of her life. You need to also realise, you can not change her. No matter how hard you try, you can. Not. Change. Her.

However, there is something you can do, you can start changing the world around her so when she is born, she is born into a world of love and happiness, not pity and sadness. This is the most important thing to do, you won’t do this for a while yet but I just want to reach through this letter, shake you and scream “change the world, do it for her”.

But you won’t, not yet anyway. You need to grieve first. You make sure that you look after yourself, your amazing wife (and yes 2 years later, she is still incredibly amazing) and Lincoln. You are not alone in this. I know you think that, but you are not alone. In a few months, you are going to start telling the world and you are going to see how much love there already is for these new babies.

You need to stop thinking of the future, I mean it, stop it! You are thinking the worst-case scenarios and years into the future – She may not be verbal, she may not walk, she will be delayed.

Well, guess what, she took her first few steps today in her walker and I am so bloody proud of her. So proud. She says Dad from time to time and it fillls my heart with joy, her language is coming and no doubt she will be talking soon.

And falling behind? Oh Please! Her brothers are making sure this doesn’t happen.

Oh, you just wait to meet her, she is amazing, her eyes are beautiful, they stare into yours like they look straight into your soul, you can see the love she has for you, not just you but for life in general. Her smile and laugh is perfect, she has a smile that starts with the eyes and fills her entire face. Her cuddles, just wait, you will need these, when you just need someone, she will snuggle in, close her eyes and put all her love and trust in you. They are perfect.

There is a long journey ahead of you and you are going to meet the most amazing people on this thrill ride. She gets a physiotherapist, two speech therapists, an occupational therapist and a dietician¦ they are all so great, never forget to tell them how much of a difference they make being in your life.

Schooling is a weekly thing these days, I know, another thing you thought wouldn’t happen. They are an amazing group of educators, doing their very best for Hope.

No matter what support you get, you will still have your moments. You will cry or you just need to vent to your friends and family about how your feeling or you just have a “moment”. Just breathe! These moments don’t stop, and I would like to say they get easier, but they don’t, they just happen for different reasons. You will feel these when she has hospital stays for weeks at a time, and you will feel this when she has to have heart surgery and you will feel this when she just lays there from the exhaustion of everyday life.

It doesn’t get easier, you just get stronger.

What is her name? Well, I can not tell you that, you need to spend hours and hours making pointless lists, reading name books and downloading tens of apps first. You will find her name when the time is right and I can tell you, it won’t be in a book. Just don’t give up hope.

I write this letter based on a, “what if I could go back and give it to you” fantasy, but that’s all it is, a dream to make my life easier with the knowledge I now have for the times I need it the most. However, if I am completely honest, in reality, would I ever deliver this letter to you though? Would I tell you to stop worrying, to pull yourself together and that she will be ok?

Absolutely not. Every tear I have shed, every sleepless night I have had, every breakdown and every challenge HAS to happen for me to get where I am now. I am happy now. We are happy.

You are not alone,

Yourself from the future

P.s Buy stocks in face masks and hand sanitiser companies. 2020/2021 is a doozy.