Dear Heidi,

Hi, it’s me. Well, it’s actually you a few years older. Today, your life changed forever and I’m here to share a few things with you to help you get through what right now feels like the worst possible news about your baby. Make yourself a coffee, sit down and take a deep breath. I know you’ve got a lot going through your mind right now, but I want to help slow down your thoughts and help you understand what life will be like for you over the next few years.

You’ve just been told your baby has a 99% chance of having Down syndrome. I know you don’t want to say it out loud because that makes it real. I know you are picturing a life of struggles. I know you are so scared right now about what life holds for you. You’re worried that you’re not going to know how to care for three children, you always said two would be plenty, and here you are with a toddler and twins on the way. Your biggest fear though is that you’re not going to know how to be a mother to a child with extra needs. You’re scared they’re not going to have your support. You wouldn’t even know where to start.

Firstly, let me start by saying, ‘You can do this!’. Yes, you do have a child with Down syndrome. You named her Hope, and she is absolutely gorgeous. Her twin brother is Alexander. You have a tricky few months ahead of you, but much of this is not because of Hope’s diagnosis. There is a complication in your pregnancy and Hope’s placenta doesn’t work as well as it should. But don’t worry… you both get through that, Hope is a real fighter. That complication isn’t what I want to write to you about today. I want to talk about the very thing you are struggling to accept right now, your child has Down syndrome, and it’s going to change your life, but not in the way you think.

You know all those struggles you are picturing. You can throw them out the window. I’ll be completely honest, life isn’t going to be easy, but you and I both know, life is never easy. Life has always had its ups and downs, it really is a roller coaster ride like people say. Right now, you feel like you’re on one of those real fast downward slopes and you don’t know when it’s going to end, but you know what comes after that? It picks up again and that’s exactly what life is going to be like. Sure, there’s going to be struggles along the way, there’s going to be days where you just don’t feel like things are improving. You’ll feel like you’re doing everything you can for your little girl, and not seeing anything come from it. Then all of a sudden, something will happen. Change will come and suddenly it will feel like Hope is accomplishing so much so quickly. Trust me… I’ve really seen this over the past few months.

You’re also worrying about how your day to day life is going to change. If your daughter is going to need extra therapies, will you still be able to work? If so, will you have to work fewer hours? Will Ben and yourself be making enough money to support your family? Exactly how many struggles will you face? To answer those questions… in just a couple of years, you will be working almost full time hours again, Hope will be getting all the therapy she needs and your family is doing great. Life is going to change, of course it is, you’re going from being a mum of one to a mum of three. But it’s not going to change in the ways you are worried about.

Now, let’s talk about the worry about not knowing how to care for three children. You cared for Lincoln, and look at him. He’s perfectly healthy, and extremely happy. What makes you think you can’t do that again? Sure, three children is challenging at times. Gosh, you are going to love the days when Alexander and Lincoln are playing together and Alexander is still mastering how to share. But as challenging as it may be, it’s going to help you grow, and understand just what you can do. Don’t underestimate yourself! You know you do this much too often.

Now onto that biggest fear of yours. Yes, you are going to be a mother to a child with some extra needs but you don’t need to be afraid. You are a brilliant mother, and when it comes to being Hope’s mum, you just need to continue to be who you are. Yes, you’ve struggled in the past when you’ve had people around you who have had Down syndrome. Not because you didn’t want them there, but simply because you haven’t known how to talk to them, and perhaps you have just kept your head down to try and avoid putting yourself in a position where you haven’t felt comfortable. This is your child though, this is different. You are going to love her. You are going to want to spend time with her. You are going to enjoy her hugs and her cheeky grin. You’re not going to be curled up in a ball in the corner while she cries because you don’t know what to do. She is going to help you to feel more comfortable in those previously uncomfortable situations. Mostly she is going to change you so you do not become that person you fear most.

Now, let me tell you a little bit about yourself and how Hope has helped you grow over the past few years. Here are some things you’ve learned.

You’ve learnt just how capable you are. You’re a working mum, with 3 kids. Nobody misses out on anything and you do what you need to do each and every day.

You’ve learnt to fight and stand up for those you love. You’re going to read a lot of negativity about Down syndrome over the next few years, but you’re going to start to fight against it. It may be hard to believe right now. You’ve always just stood back in the shadow and let the world just go on around you, but that will all change.

You’ve learnt to appreciate everything life throws at you, good and bad. Every seemingly bad thing that comes, is usually followed by twice as much good. You’ll learn to accept the bad, push through, look at what you can learn, and look forward to what comes next.

You’ve learnt to accept help. There’s a lot of support out there. You can’t always do everything on your own, and that’s ok. When people offer help, it’s because they care and they really do want to help. You’ll receive support from people you don’t even know right when you need it, and it will make some circumstances just that little bit easier.

You’ve realised that sharing, opening up and being vulnerable, is not always a bad thing. This is a big one for you. You’ve always tried to hide how you’ve felt. You’ve always worried about what people would think about you and perhaps that’s not gone completely because as I sit here writing this, I still have a little voice asking me what people are going to think when they read it. But a few years ago, that little voice would have stopped you from writing. Today, you are sharing, you are being vulnerable because you have a reason. You have Hope and you are doing it for her.

And that’s really only the beginning.

So yes, your child does have Down syndrome. There’s going to be some challenges but you are going to learn so much. Let’s just quickly talk about Hope for a little bit because I know you’d be wondering what she’s like.

Well, Hope is a little fighter! She had to fight her way through a few battles in the first year of her life, and she won every single time. She is such a joyful child, she is cheeky, she is funny and such a character, she is fun and she is strong. She brings joy and hope to you and those around her. Her brothers absolutely adore her and she absolutely adores them. She is so eager to be able to get up and run about with them, and that day is coming. Honestly, I couldn’t imagine life without her.

So, before I finish, just remember. “You can do this! You are stronger than you know! You are capable!”

Heidi