Almost 2 months ago, I posted a blog called “Running On Empty“. I guess you could call this Part 2 of that blog. I spoke about needing to make sure our tanks are full and not to continue to try running on empty because we can lose ourselves, get stressed and just feel completely snowed under. I mentioned feeling like this myself and needing to take a week off to refuel. Well, a few weeks ago, I took that week off and had quite the epiphany! (I’m a lady of few complex words, I had to Google that to make sure it was the right word… it works).

I planned to do nothing on my week off. When I say nothing, I still had kids to look after, so I didn’t just ignore them. During the day when they were in daycare, I sat on the lounge and binge watched Grey’s Anatomy, while doing jigsaw puzzles. For those who find jigsaw puzzles stressful, don’t worry, I’m not one of you so this actually was enjoyable. Ben had given me strict instructions that I was not allowed to spend 3 days cleaning so I made sure I did a little in the morning just to make sure it was tidy because a tidy house actually helps me relax. The other thing I did amongst all of this sitting around and relaxing, was a lot of THINKING. It turns out this thinking lead me to my epiphany, or I guess if we used true “Heidi” language, my “well duh” moment.

Now I know you’re all asking… “What was it? Tell me, tell me, tell me.” It’s really quite simple. Things that worked for me 10 years ago, DO NOT work today. I was living my life and trying to do my work the same way I have for years and when I thought about it, it just wasn’t working anymore and life looked quite different to what I had expected. Let me explain.

Firstly, I had gotten to a point where I almost hated the way I was living my life because I wasn’t living it how I had always thought I wanted to. As a teenager, I always used to say “I’m never going to get married”. I lived with 5 brothers growing up, so I said I didn’t want to live with boys, wasn’t interested in guys and being married and having kids was just not on my mind. Well… obviously, that changed at some point, and then I had this plan that I would get married, work minimal hours and be the ‘perfect‘ wife. The one that would have a perfectly tidy house all the time and would have dinner on the table when her husband got home from work. Life didn’t look like that though. Our house was definitely not perfectly clean all the time, and was often left messy because nobody had the energy to tidy up. It wasn’t like we lived in filth, we were tidy, but there was often multiple loads of washing waiting to be folded and put away, with another basket or two overflowing with washing waiting to be done, toys would be over the floor and all sorts of things taking up space on the benches. It would frustrate me and stress me out because I wanted to change it, but I just didn’t know how. I felt like I didn’t have time because I would work all day and into the evenings to try and get as much work done as possible. When I wasn’t working, I was looking after the kids.

This brings me to the next part. The way I planned my hours. I’ve been working from home for 11+ years now and work for a boss that allows me to work flexibly. I have my hours that need to be completed during the week, and I have expectations about getting back to clients and things, but the actual hours that I work are flexible which means I can work the hours that work for me. If I was busy in the morning, I could start my day at 10am and finish at 8pm or start at 5am if I was awake and finish at 3pm. If I felt like it, I could work from 5am through til 7pm. The way that I’ve worked for years is that I would try to get as much done as possible within the first few days of the week to then give myself time off towards the end of the week. So I’d work long days and then continue to work in the evening for the first 3 days of the week. This often meant, I did very little around the house and would spend my “free” time on Thursday cleaning. Then by Friday, the kids were back home from daycare and the mess would begin again. I worked this way thinking that it would give me more time with the kids, but I found that the time I did have with the kids, I was stressed, frustrated and often had little patience. I realised something had to change, and it all centred around how I planned my week.

So while doing all that thinking, I had my “well duh” moment and began making plans on how I could change things to try and improve everything and while I’m still not the ‘perfect’ wife with an immaculately clean house and home cooked meals made from scratch on the table every night, I have found a way that works for me and have some routines in place to help. At the beginning of the day while the kids eat, I will run about the house and make sure the floor is tidy so Jobot (our robot vacuum) can go around and vacuum all the rooms. On days the kids are not going to daycare we play a game of ‘Beat the Robot’ and we start Jobot before we’ve checked all the rooms and it’s a race to tidy the floor of one room before the robot gets in there. It’s fun and gets the kids excited to help. When I know the kids are going to daycare, I try to prepare everything the night before as much as possible so I have time to do my morning routine in the morning but even then sometimes, the tidying takes a little longer and I finish it after dropping the kids off. I put on a load of washing every day and make sure that is put away as soon as it’s dry in the evening so I no longer have piles of washing, clean or dirty, piling up. I have then set myself specific hours that I want to work and I’ve spread them more evenly through the week. This means I get the tidying done before I start and then I finish and give myself enough time to get dinner ready before I go and pick up the kids. Dinner time is still painful at times when the kids refuse to eat what I’ve made, but it’s less stressful that it was because now I’m not trying to cook dinner and keep kids entertained all at the same time. In the evenings, we once again, all run about the house and try to tidy everything up and get things ready for the next day if we know we have to be up and out early. All I had to do was introduce some routine and make some small changes in the way I worked and BOOM suddenly, I’m not feeling so run down, I don’t feel like I’m constantly running on empty and I’m giving myself an hour or so between work and picking up kids to refuel. The house is tidier which means I’m not sitting around thinking about how much I need to tidy, and everything just feels easier.

I’m no longer running on empty, but I know that it may not last forever. There may be many times when I have to do the same thing, take a week off, look at life and what I’m doing and have some more “well duh” moments. In the end, it doesn’t just benefit me, but it also makes things better for the kids. They have a happier and healthier mum who is less stressed and actually has more time to spend with them.