There are times in our lives when we have to share news with friends and family and we have absolutely no idea how to do it. It’s not because you don’t want to share the news, but more because you just don’t know how anyone is going to react. When it was time to share with our family and close friends about the diagnosis we had been given for Hope, we found ourselves in this exact situation.

One of the first things we had to think about was when do we share the news? Even though we were told there was a 99% chance of our baby having Down syndrome, for quite some time, there was always still a small part of me that was in denial. I don’t know how many arguments I had with myself about it. Had I even really accepted the diagnosis if I was telling myself constantly that it could be wrong? Had I accepted it if I hoped so much to be in that small percentage of people who had returned false positives from their NIPT test? So, did we want to tell people before we were 100% certain of the diagnosis? We decided that we needed to tell people before the twins were born. It just made sense, and I think it helped me really accept it.

It’s funny when I think about it because speaking out and telling people came with mixed emotions. On one hand, it made things real, it made me have to really accept it which was, in many ways, scary. But on the other hand, sharing brought a sense of relief. I was no longer holding on to the fear of what this could mean on my own. I was no longer trying to hide my worries, and those we shared with were able to offer support. At this point in our lives, we needed a whole lot of support.

One of the other things we had to decide was how do we tell people. I won’t go into a whole lot of detail here, but we chose to share with most people at Lincoln’s 2nd birthday party. We had already planned on revealing that we were having twins, as not many people knew, and also planned to reveal the twins genders. After surprising everyone with the twin news, Ben, through tears, shared the news of the diagnosis with all our closest friends.

Sharing the news is one thing, being ready for the reactions is another. It’s not that we expected people to react negatively, we just didn’t really know what to expect. There were people we shared the news with before Lincoln’s birthday. They were our family members and our closest friends. In most cases, we were met with very similar responses. It was like an immediate reaction of sadness, an apology of some sort and I think this is just the automatic response so many of us have. I don’t think this is the wrong response, and it’s not a bad response in any way, but I think it shows how the world sees Down syndrome. We see it as a negative, we see it as something that shouldn’t be celebrated, something we should be sorry for. It’s not just in the reactions we saw when we told people, it was in our own reactions when we found out too. Even Ben and myself automatically were saddened when we received the news, and we cried for days. The thing is, we hear Down syndrome, and we see it as something terrible. I think that’s because we don’t understand it and for years, that’s what we’ve been told. I’m not saying that anyone should be wishing for a child with Down syndrome or that we should be jumping up and down with joy and celebrating when we are told we are having a child with Down syndrome. But I think we need to try and stop seeing it as such a negative thing. Yes, Down syndrome is going to come with its challenges, it’s not going to be a walk in the park. Parenting is going to be different. Life is going to look different. But let’s try and see the positives in it. Let’s celebrate the joy that these children bring. Have you ever seen a child with Down syndrome that hasn’t made you smile? Not only as kids, but even as adults, they just bring happiness to everyone around them. They have such character, such life in them. As kids, they challenge us but they help us grow, they teach us about love and we should feel lucky to have them in our lives.

Going back to reactions, there was one reaction, that was really unexpected and that’s one that I really want to share. I had just told a close friend, and pastor, Susan, the news and she responded with a smile, “What a blessing”. She never once looked saddened, she never focused on the negative. She was full of encouragement and told us that we were the perfect parents for such a child, and that not only would our child be blessed with parents like us, but that we would be blessed by our child and the happiness she would bring us. After so many weeks of tears, and feeling upset and scared, this response was exactly what I needed to pick myself up. I finally started to believe that I could do this. They were the right words at the right time. Imagine how empowered parents would be if this was the response they got from everyone.

I know for myself, before Hope, I would have had that same automatic response that others have. As I said, it’s not the wrong response and I don’t want people to feel bad if they have that response but, let’s see if we can change our thinking a little and respond differently. Let’s be encouraging, and celebrate the positives rather than focusing on the negatives.