Our oldest son goes to school next year, so we’ve had to do a bit of research this year looking into schools and where we want him to go. While we’re looking for Lincoln, Hope and her needs have always been at the front of our minds also and we’ve been looking for a school for her and Alexander as much as we were for Lincoln. It raises the question about what is best for Hope: Mainstream or support school? For us, we don’t want to send Hope to a support school. There are many reasons which I’m going to discuss but before I do, I just want to say that these are just our thoughts and our opinions. Every parent obviously wants to choose what is right for their child. What we decide for our family may be very different to what someone else decides and we are not here to tell anyone they are choosing the wrong thing for their child.

Firstly, I feel like we would be hypocrites if we sent Hope to a support school. Here we are advocating for acceptance, for those with Down syndrome to be treated as equal to other children. If we send Hope to a support school, we are telling people she is “different” that she needs to be treated “differently”. We are singling her out from her brothers and telling them that she is “different”. They know she doesn’t learn as fast and needs some extra help and they love and accept that. They also accept that while she does have some differences, she is just like them at the same time. She still wants to play and learn like they do, she wants to have friends and be a part of something like they do, and she is going to want to experience life the same way they will. Yes, she will get these things no matter where she goes to school, but if we want acceptance from others then we need to give them the opportunity to accept. So, when it’s her time to start school, the plan is to send her to the same school as her older brother, Lincoln, and her twin brother, Alexander.

In doing some reading, there are studies that show the difference in life after school for kids who have been to mainstream school vs those who went to a support school. Students with a disability who have been to mainstream school are often more likely to go on to post-secondary education. They are also seen to be more likely to gain employment and have the ability to live independently. Some studies even show that those who have been enrolled in mainstream school have better social skills. On top of this, it’s often seen that all students who have been educated in inclusive classrooms tend to be more accepting of those who are unlike themselves and have less prejudicial views. If we want Hope to be able to do all the things we want her to, then we believe mainstream school is going to be the best option for her.

Another reason we’ve decided we want to keep Hope in mainstream school is due to the potential that she may pick up behaviours from other kids. There’s a wide range of disabilities at the support schools and with that comes a wide range of behaviours. Now I’m not saying there will be no behaviours in mainstream school or Hope will have absolutely no behaviours at all. Kids will be kids, and they will all have their attitudes and behaviours but we have heard stories of kids picking up these behaviours in the support schools because they are around it more frequently. In a mainstream school, these behaviours are spread thinner so they’re less likely to pick them up. It’s quite difficult for me to put this into words. I don’t want to sound like I think Hope is a perfect angel and that kids in mainstream schools are better or perfectly behaved. I’m also in no way wanting people to think that the reason kids go to a support school is because the child is “too difficult”. Simply put, I believe, with trained teachers and extra support in the mainstream schools, there’s no reason why those with disabilities, with and without their behaviours, cannot be welcomed with open arms by all.

All this in mind however, we know it’s not all going to be easy going. One of our greatest fears with Hope is that she won’t be accepted and that she will be teased, and we know that there is greater potential for this to occur at a mainstream school. There are going to be kids that don’t understand her or will mock her, but there will also be kids that will love her and enjoy spending time with her. We hope and pray that there will be more of the kids that don’t and when the time comes, we will be ready to walk with her and talk to her about those that do. Yes, putting her into a support school may prevent some of the pain that comes with the teasing, but what will she do when she gets out of school and into the real world. She won’t have experience, she won’t know how to deal with the comments or the looks from those who don’t understand or don’t accept. It’ll be harder for her. We want to arm her with the strength she will need as an adult, from a young age so she stands with confidence and her head held high when she’s older.

Mainstream school may not be the answer for every child. There are kids out there that potentially will not thrive in that environment, who may need something specialised for them and sending them to a mainstream school could be the wrong answer. As I said, this post is just full of our opinions and our thoughts for Hope and we do not want anyone to think that we are saying support schools are not the answer, because we understand for some, they are, and we are so thankful that we live in a time and place that has somewhere for everyone, and no longer simply locks them away in institutions because they are “too difficult” to handle.